There are most days when she doesn’t recognizes herself. She is not anything, that she used to be. She was such an innocent girl, that she thought holding a cigarette would be a crime, unaware of the days, when she would crave one to find some peace. But she has turned imperfect now, still trying to be perfect. She is sick though, but she lies about those dark circles under her swollen eyes because her sleeping pills are also not helping her out. She is hard on herself, by not trusting people, not letting them close and building walls high against her heart, because it has been played, crushed and broken a lot of times. She won’t ask much from you, perhaps to not bother you with her longings. Because she knows she is a mess right now, lonely most of the time.
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie. She carves out for a person and makes herself believe those fairy tales and happy endings are true. When she got him, she was happy but she knew he was not what she asked for, because he never treated her right. She learnt how to trust love a little less and how to close her heart off and never let anyone hurt again. She would give it all back,for a chance to start over and rewrite endings.She has learnt how to toughen up herself, those bruises all over her legs after an extra peg of cheap whiskey tells it all. She knows she is stuck, but lies helpless in her bed on those weekend afternoons staring those ceilings and thinking about all those people who left her. She is the finest soul, because she gulped pain without making you taste it, even though you left her broken without even giving an explanation. She is growing stronger each day reminding herself that her fight with depression, anxiety, heartbreaks isn’t over yet, she has miles to go. But the spark in her eyes still begs for a help. She is strong and she knows it because sometimes she gets a sense of awakening. She nurtures it and allows it to grow within her. Because she knows she will grow stronger even though she has a lot of things to fight for.